on fear... and making art

don't worry 

Fear is all around when I create. Not in the first steps. At that moment there is usually only joy. But then, at a certain moment, the fear starts creeping in: what is this, am I making something worthy, is this 'art' or is it just garbage, is anyone ever going to like it, am I an artists or just some mediocre juggler with colors and lines?' It can be early in the process or much later, when I'm posting my work to a webshop, or facebook, at some moment some of this fear will pop up.

What can I do about it? Lately I realized that it will never go away. But I can learn to ignore it, to handle it. Like talking to a nagging child or maybe more a frightened child: 'ssssh, it's going to be allright, there is really nothing to be afraid of, we're just painting, just playing a little bit. It's allright if nothing comes out...' Because it is allright, it is okay if no art is made today. But there is one thing that I did today and that is making a start. Making a start for a painting, whether it will ever really see the eyes of others or not. I made a start, I practiced my most important calling and that is enough in itself.

I think that I'm talking about an universal fear. Everyone who wants to create knows it. It comes from our most poisonous inner critic. It's going back to: ' am I good enough... worthy enough... to be an artist, to be a human, to be alive even?' Also the not-artists have to deal with it.

Maybe the best we can do is recognize the fear. If not, it will manifest itself in excuses and delay what we most deeply feel we must do (in my case: making art). If we recognize what's really going on, namely that we're scared to death to make our art, write our stories or do whatever is so important to us, we can learn to handle the fear and walk with it, while staying in charge, like we would with a frightened child.

Here are some authors who wrote good stuff on this topic:
Steven Pressfield wrote a lot on resisting doing the work, whatever it is that is calling you to do. I love 'The war of art' (don't confuse this with 'The art of war'). It really kicks you in the ass to get up and do the job, while also being full of practical tips on how to do this.
Julia Cameron wrote several books on creativity. The one I like a lot is 'The complete artist's way'. It's a book that you can open randomly and find wisdom on whatever page you read.
Elisabeth Gilbert wrote 'Big Magic', I love her light and funny way of writing on big subjects.

There are a whole lot of other writers and artists and teachers I'm not mentioning here, but maybe I will come back to them later.